This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
