He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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