I think my fart just growled at me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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