What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
