I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
