i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
