Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
