so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
