You work out of a Hotel?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
