Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
