Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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