So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't deserve a penis
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
