Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
