and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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