I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
