GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i think my cat just said my name.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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