Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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