if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
