the condom got lost in my hair
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
