Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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