I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
