My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
