hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
