I just made out with a guy for $7.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
