My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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