kristin has been a bad kristin
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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