Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
