One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
