She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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