dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
