How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
