why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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