He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
