in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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