you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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