everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
