I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
