Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
