I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
