My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
