remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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