My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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