So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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