You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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