I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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