I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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