Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
