Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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