I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
