this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
