I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
