I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
