There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
