A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
