I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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