Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize