Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
