There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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