Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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