I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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