did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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