When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
