dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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