i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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