Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
