im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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