i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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