Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i have herpe
just one?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
